Wednesday, June 01, 2005

TNS Res. 001

WHEREAS the latest Star Wars "prequel" was wrought with logical inconsistencies, such as the absolute phrase, "Only Sith deal in absolutes," and;

Whereas Lucas left glaring inconsistencies in the plot lines connecting the "prequels" with the original Star Wars movies, e.g. Kenobi's claim that Yoda was his personal instructor in The Empire Strikes Back, and;

Whereas the cavalier regard for physics and time issues in Lucas's works is finally too great to gloss over further, and;

Whereas characters from the original Star Wars trilogy were introduced in a simply gratuitous fashion in the "prequels" for reasons unknown, often in a manner that beckons a probability whose difference from zero is negligible (see Chewbacca), and;

Whereas the plot style of the "prequels" is expository in nature, contrasted with the action and implied story advances of the originals, and;

Whereas the effects style of the "prequels" is designed in such a way as to make the original movies look as dated as possible, and;

Whereas, through poor directing, the CGI creatures and characters in the "prequels" appear to be more life-like and believable than actual actors, and;

Whereas the dialog is poorly written, lines poorly delivered, and the writing in general is awful for reasons enumerated above and for other reasons, and;

Whereas this attack on the Star Wars series through these "prequels" serves to destroy much of the magic of innumerable people's childhoods; be it therefore

RESOLVED, that The New Skeptic:

1.) Decrees said "prequels" to be horribly inferior movies, and;

2.) Decrees said "prequels" to be poorly written "fanfic" worthy of being posted on AOL-hosted forums, and;

3.) Decrees that any voluntary adherents of "The Force" or Lucas or the "prequels" is to be held in contempt and face punishment until such time as reeducation may take place.


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