Monday, April 07, 2008

Absolut-ly Stupid

All right, so, there's this Absolut ad that everyone is talking about.



First, I think the shareholders of Absolut (or whatever the parent corporation is, don't make me look up the relationships) should be scared to death of this ad. What Absolut is saying, essentially, is that in its ideal world, tequila would be king of the liquor world. It's a trademark's suicide note we are reading, folks!

Second, the, uh, redistricting plan offered by Absolut here seems a perfect solution to the growing problem of the growing Ninth Circuit. Let Mexico deal with asinine judges who can't follow the law! Our Supreme Court can then go about its business deciding hard cases instead of constantly having to overturn, unanimously, the legal conceits of a bloated body of wannabe Platonic Guardians.

Third, do you know what Absolut said?
In no way was this meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues.
Oh, ok. How is that rock you are under is it comfy please reply.

Fourth, it's spelled "absolute," you fools. Misspellings do not equal automatic awesome sauce. See Zatarian's, Inc. v. Oak Grove Smokehouse, Inc., 698 F.2d 786 (5th Cir. 1983) (noting that, indeed, "Absolut" is a dumbass name for a vodka).


At 2:28 PM, April 07, 2008 , Blogger Freiheit said...

It is difficult to measure just how much I don't care about this particular outrage, but I am puzzled by the marketing. How is that an Absolut World? How would that ad make me more inclined to buy their mediocre vodka? If this is what people with marketing degrees produce, then I must put marketing on the list of degrees I find questionable.

Also, where can I sign up for this new redistricting? I already have abusive police, corrupt officials, and criminal procedure so warped as to offer no protection, which makes language and taxation the only substantive differences between Maricopa County and Mexico. If getting very low taxes means learning Spanish, so be it.

At 3:44 PM, April 07, 2008 , Blogger Vernunft said...

It is strange. If the international redistricting were to occur as fantasized in this ad, the residents of Mexico could get California wine, brandy made with California grapes, and tequila with no import taxes. Why these people would have any desire for a tasteless clear liquid is beyond me.

Oh, and I suppose they have some decent beers out West, right? I don't really know.

This ad just makes me aware of what little Absolut offers to people in North America. We have a better vodka in this country - Rain (it's awesome, I think I've mentioned it before). Domestic beers that aren't mass-produced rival pretentious European brews (Victory Brewing Company is a few miles away, and within easy each of public transporation for me). I hear California wine can be just as good as anything else, though I myself know nothing about wine. As far as the Mexicans go, they have a domestic spirit that's renowned and is apparently becoming available in super-premium varieties, so those who want cheap booze can go for the terrible stuff and those who want expensive sipping liquor will have their needs fulfilled domestically as well.

If vodka can do one thing, it's mix easily with other things. But then, if you want a cheap clear spirit, Absolut fails you by being too expensive. If you want something that's pure even for vodka, you get Ketel One. If you want flavors, Three Olives and some others seem to have you covered. Really, there's no good reason to drink Absolut at all, and no one is being fooled into thinking that Absolut is somehow the drink of Mexican revanchism.

I may be in the minority. I know that Absolut has clever ads and clever ads might sell booze. But I am also something of a drinker. Taste trumps cute ads, and I pay a great deal of attention to taste; to a lesser extent, I pay attention to price, especially when choosing among roughly equal-quality liquors. Absolut fails.

You can imagine that I don't want to get too close to the issue of questionable degrees.

Civil war? I don't think you could rouse most people with guns to object to California's being removed from this country, and if a few other states have to go, oh well.

At 5:12 PM, April 07, 2008 , Blogger Nick Milne said...

Far from not understanding the outrage over the advertisement, I must confess to not understanding the advertisement in the first place.

At 11:46 PM, April 08, 2008 , Blogger Vernunft said...

Apparently Absolut has an ad campaign with depictions of fantasy worlds - "In an Absolut world" - where something bad has been made awesome in a clever way. I think this ad was run in Mexico, because people in Mexico would think that the world where Mexico had all that land back would be great.

If you're not understanding something else, maybe you need to take Spanish, you racist.

At 9:59 AM, April 09, 2008 , Blogger Nick Milne said...

No es bueno ;_;


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home