Tragic

"Lil' Kim" has been convicted of perjury. Lest you think this might seem like a tame crime for a rap star and far beneath her thuggish potential, she perjured herself about a "gun battle between rival rappers," so she apparently met the criteria for an Honorable Rap Crime, but just barely. She'd better hope that if ever comes under investigation for, say, tax evasion, it at least has something to do with her gross drug-dealing profits or something "cool."

The best line:

But some are already claiming her brush with the law will do wonders for her career. "This could be the best thing that ever happened to her," said Chuck Creekmur, founder of allhiphop.com. "In hip-hop, tragedy can sometimes equal opportunity. Ask Eminem. Nothing spells money like pain."

Ah, of course. It was "painful" and a "tragedy" for her to face justice.